2013 MCAS
Grade 10 English Language Arts Composition
Topic/Idea Development - Score Point 6

This richly developed and carefully organized six-paragraph composition opens with an image of a physical fall, a metaphor which adds a visceral quality to the depiction of a character's moral fall and guides development and organization of the ideas in the writing: "There is the weightlessness of a free fall, a terrifying thrill mixed with fear and surprise as the ground comes closer, and, of course, the jarring pain upon impact." "The trip" precipitating a fall is a character's "fatal flaw than cannot be overcome." In this composition, the writer describes Ethan from Steinbeck's novel Winter of our Discontent, who is driven by his excessive pride as he and his family experience a loss of social status and wealth. The writer presents several examples of Ethan's "downward progression into moral depravity and depression" and ties those examples to the central idea of the composition: "Ethan's suppressed pride leads to his moral downfall by prompting him to commit crimes without thinking that their consequences will apply to him." Ethan betrays a friendship by cheating his friend in a land deal and "[allowing] him to keep drinking until he dies"; he also thinks nothing of planning to rob a bank that happens to be owned by another friend. The final stage of Ethan's fall, "the jarring pain upon impact," arrives as he understands that the deterioration of his family is caused by his "influence": "Deprived of a good role model, Ethan's son follows his father's immoral path," and Ethan "sees his influence reflected in his son's bad choices." Ethan is redeemed by the "jarring pain" of self-realization. He finally understands that "his actions have affected him, and his pride in his inherent goodness has been misplaced." Through this carefully structured and richly detailed character analysis, the writer effectively conveys Steinbeck's message "that people are what they do" and "that all actions have equal reactions." Strong focus and rich development are supported not only by subtle organization shaped by the introductory paragraph and carried throughout the composition but also by an ease with the use of advanced vocabulary ("Ethan feels the perceived injustice of his situation deeply" and "from behind the comforting dissasociation [sic] of a mask").