W7n03A

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Record Number: W7N03A Transcript of the Student's Text Coded for Statistical Analysis Statistics: Table of Contents Back to Seventh Grade Writers' Menu

My Life

\-\Sometimes I can have an exciting life or a boring life.=CC \-\Right now its {between exciting and boring,} [RAVFbecause I'm babysitting a lot.#NuA02] \-\I like to babysit,*INFDO02 \,\^CS#01its just [RNDSthat it always gets {in the way} {of the fun things} [RAJFI like to do,] {like swimming,*GerOP02 spending*GerOP06 the night {with a friend,} and other things.}] \-\[LAVFWhen we were living {on Pebble Run Road,}] [LAVFwhile we were still packing up [LAVFwhen we were moving,]] my brother, Bobby,#App01 slept {with me} [RAVFbecause he was scared.] \-\Anyway#Inj01 I forgot [RNDOthat I was sleeping {in a different position,} [RAVFsince my matress was {on the floor.}]] \-\He was trying to find*INFDO07 the door {in the dark,} [RAVFbecause he had to use the bathroom,] [RAVFso he got me up [RAVFso I could help him find*INFDO04 the door]] \R\^RO#02I was trying to open*INFDO04 a door \C\but it was a closet door \C\and it was jammed.=PV \-\Then I remembered [RNDOthat I was sleeping {in a different position.}] \-\I told Bobby to be*INFDO04 quiet [RAVFbecause I heard a noise {at the front door.}] \-\It scared me [RAVFso I got my mom up [RAVFso we could check and see=CV [RNDOwhat it was.]]] \-\The reason [MAJFit was so scary] is [RNPNbecause we had five door and about twenty windows=CC {in the house.}] \-\It sounded just [RAVFlike our front door does [RAVFwhen you try to open*INFDO03 it,]] \,\^CS#02it screeches. \-\Then once {in our house} {in Doren,} one day#NuA02 my dad was cooking \C\and grease splashed up {on his hand} and {on the floor.} \-\It caused a fire \C\and my dad burned his hand real bad. \-\First I started going upstairs [RAVFbecause I heard something.] \-\Then I saw the flame \C\and my dad yelled {at us} to get*INFDO06 {out of the house.} \-\We went {to our neighbors, Mrs. Evans,#App02 house.} \-\I was scared=PV and embarrased.=PV=CV \-\I was embarraced=PV [RAVFbecause I was wearing a short T-shirt,] \,\^CS#03I was scared [RAVFbecause I didn't know [RNDOwhat happened.]] \-\My mom wasn't home#NuA01{at the time,} \C\but [LAVFwhen she got home#NuA01] she was a nervous wreck. \-\The ambulance had to take my dad {to the emergency room.} \-\He was okay \R\^RO#03{after that} he has a big scare \C\but that's not that bad now. \-\I have a couple other things, \C\but thats all {for now.}

Analysis of Fragments, Comma-Splices and Run-ons

CS #01 -- Contrast: Note the implied "but" here, but the writer may have felt that a "but" would be too strong. An "except that ..." would work, as would a semicolon. Note also the length of the main clause after the splice -- 28 words, almost three times the 10.7 w/mc average of the passage. The writer was probably trying to hold all of this is working memory and thus didn't have room to worry about the comma-splice.
CS #02 -- Amplification: The second clause clearly amplifies "sounded." Either a colon or a dash would work.
CS #03 -- Contrast: Note the three-main-clause sequence that begins with "I was scared and embarrassed." The second clause amplifies "embarassed"; the third amplifies "scared." The writer clearly felt the connections among the three clauses and probably wanted to convey it. A ", and" would not do the job. Neither would a period. This case begs for a semicolon.

RO #02 -- The "I" at the beginning of the second main clause makes it difficult to tell -- this may be just a performance error. "I was trying to open a door" amplifies "so I could help him, so I have counted it as a question of amplification. Note, however, that the first main clause is 30 words long (the longest in the passage). Thus, a period would probably be the best option here.
RO #03 -- Subordinate Clause: Most adults would probably use "although" in this case -- "He was okay, although he has a big scar." The writer could also have used "but." It is possible, however, that the writer already had the following "but" in mind and did not want to use the same word twice in the same sentence.