Dr. Vavra's Main Menu
The KISS Grammar Homepage
Cobweb Corner
The 1986 Study
Record Number: W7N20A
Transcript of the Student's Text
Coded for Statistical Analysis
Statistics: Table of Contents

Back to Seventh Grade Writers' Menu

My Camping Trip

       \-\One week#NuA02 I went camping*GerNu01 {with the Boy Scouts.} \-\First we put up the tents, \,\CS#29that took about an hour.#NuA03 \-\{After that} we went over basic skills, tying#App02 knots, fire starting,#App02 and carving.#App02 \-\We were allowed=PV to rest*INFDO02#RCM02 or play*INFDO03#RCM03 games or do*INFDO11#RCM11 anything [RAJFwe want to] the rest#NuA05 {of the day.} \-\First everybody ate lunch \C\and {after that} me and a bunch=CS {of other people} put up a volleyball net. \-\We played that [RAVFuntil we had to fix supper. \-\{For supper} we had chili, crackers,=CC bread,=CC fruit punch=CC \C\and {for desert} we had pudding. \-\{After supper} we played some more volleyball {for about two hours.} \-\{About dark} we put on dark clothes and got=CV ready {for capture the flag.} \-\We picked teams and hid=CV the two flags. \-\{At first} no one could find people {on the other team.}  \-\{After a while} people began to take prisoners. \-\There was a raid {on the other teams prison} to get*INFAV04 the prisoners.  \-\The raid was successful.  \-\Finally my team made a raid {on the other teams fort.} \-\Our team captured the other teams flag \C\and we one.  \-\Everybody went back {to camp} and sat=CV {around a campfire.} \-\{After a while} people went {to their tents} and got=CV {in their sleeping bags.}  \-\Most {of them} didn't go to sleep,*INFAV02 \,\CS#30they talked {for about two hours.} \-\{In the morning} we fixed breakfast \C\and then we cleaned up.  \-\The leaders came around and told=CV us [RNDOif our area was clean,] \,\CS#31then we played volleyball [RAVFuntil it was time to leave.*INFAJ02]
 

 
Analysis of Fragments, Comma-Splices and Run-ons

CS #29 -- Amplification (or subordination): Note that the following sentence ("After that . . . .") begins a new topic. The clause in the splice can thus be seen as amplifying the first topic: "First we put up the tents -- that took about an hour." The scond clause could, of course, be subordinated, but that would change the emphasis: "First we put up the tents, which took about an hour." 
CS #30 -- Contrast (or amplification): The first clause tells what they did not do; the second tells what they did. Because  the first clause includes the negation, the second might also been seen as an amplification of the first. I would suggest that either a colon or a dash could be used, the choice depending on whether the writer wanted to emphasize the contrast, or the amplification: "Most of them didn't go to sleep; they talked for about two hours." or "Most of them didn't go to sleep --  they talked for about two hours." 
CS #31 -- Subordination: The splice here joins the clause after it to the "if" clause in the preceding main clause: "The leaders came around and told us if our area was clean. If it was clean, then we played volleyball until it was time to leave."