A Modest Proposal
for preventing the children of poor people in
Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country,
and for making them beneficial to the publick.
by Dr. Jonathan Swift. 1729 |
1 It is a melancholy object to those,
who walk through this great town, or travel in the country, when they see
the streets, the roads and cabbin-doors crowded with beggars of the female
sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and importuning
every passenger for an alms./-/ These mothers
instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to
employ all their time in stroling to beg sustenance for their helpless
infants who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for want of work, or
leave their dear native country, to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or
sell themselves to the Barbadoes./-/
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2 I think it is agreed by all parties, that
this prodigious number
of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their
mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable
state of the kingdom, a very great additional grievance; /C/and
therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making
these children sound and useful members of the common-wealth, would deserve
so well of the publick, as to have his statue set up for a preserver of
the nation./-/
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3 But my intention is very far from being confined
to provide only for the children of professed beggars:/C/
it
is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants
at a certain age, who are born of parents in effect as little able to support
them, as those who demand our charity in the streets./-/
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4 As to my own part, having turned my
thoughts for many years, upon this important subject, and maturely weighed
the several schemes of our projectors, I have always found them grossly
mistaken in their computation./-/ It is true,
a child just dropt from its dam, may be supported by her milk, for a solar
year, with little other nourishment: at most not above the value of two
shillings, which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps,
by her lawful occupation of begging; /C/ and
it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such
a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their parents, or the parish,
or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on
the contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to the cloathing of
many thousands./-/
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5 There is likewise another great advantage
in my scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that
horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent
among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the
expence than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage
and inhuman breast./-/
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6 The number of souls in this kingdom
being usually reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate there
may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders;/C?/
from
which number I subtract thirty thousand couple, who are able to maintain
their own children, (although I apprehend there cannot be so many, under
the present distresses of the kingdom)/C/
but
this being granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders./-/
I again subtract fifty thousand, for those women who miscarry, or whose
children die by accident or disease within the year./-/
There only remain an hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents
annually born./-/ The question therefore is,
How this number shall be reared, and provided for? which, as I have already
said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by
all the methods hitherto proposed./-/ For
we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture;/C/
we neither build houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land:/C/
they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive
at six years old; except where they are of towardly parts, although I confess
they learn the rudiments much earlier; during which time they can however
be properly looked upon only as probationers:/C/
As I have been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan,
who protested to me, that he never knew above one or two instances under
the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest
proficiency in that art./-/
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7 I am assured by our merchants, that
a boy or a girl before twelve years old, is no saleable commodity,/C/
and even when they come to this age, they will not yield above three pounds,
or three pounds and half a crown at most, on the exchange;/C/
which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge
of nutriments and rags having been at least four times that value./-/
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8 I shall now therefore humbly propose my own
thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection./-/
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9 I have been assured by a very knowing
American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well
nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food,
whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled;/C/
and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragoust./-/
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10 I do therefore humbly offer it to
publick consideration, that of the hundred and twenty thousand children,
already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only
one fourth part to be males;/C/ which is more
than we allow to sheep, black cattle, or swine,/C/
and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage,
a circumstance not much regarded by our savages,/C/
therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve four females./-/
That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in sale
to the persons of quality and fortune, through the kingdom, always advising
the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render
them plump, and fat for a good table./F/ A
child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends,/C/
and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable
dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled
on the fourth day, especially in winter./-/
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11 I have reckoned upon a medium, that
a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably
nursed, encreaseth to 28 pounds./-/
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12 I grant this food will be somewhat dear,
and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured
most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children./-/
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13 Infant's flesh will be in season throughout
the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after;/C/
for
we are told by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being
a prolifick dyet, there are more children born in Roman Catholick countries
about nine months after Lent,/S?/ the markets
will be more glutted than usual, because the number of Popish infants,
is at least three to one in this kingdom,/C/
and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by lessening
the number of Papists among us./-/
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14 I have already computed the charge of nursing
a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and
four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included;/C/
and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass
of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent
nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or his own family
to dine with him./-/ Thus the squire will
learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants,/S/
the mother will have eight shillings neat profit, and be fit for work till
she produces another child./-/
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15 Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess
the times require) may flea the carcass;/C?/
the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make admirable gloves for
ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen./-/
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16 As to our City of Dublin, shambles
may be appointed for this purpose, in the most convenient parts of it,/C/
and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting;/C?/
although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them
hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs./-/
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17 A very worthy person, a true lover
of his country, and whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased,
in discoursing on this matter, to offer a refinement upon my scheme./-/
He said, that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed
their deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well supply'd
by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of
age, nor under twelve;/C?/ so great a number
of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of work
and service:/F/ And these to be disposed of
by their parents if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations./F/
But with due deference to so excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot,
I cannot be altogether in his sentiments;/C/
for as to the males, my American acquaintance assured me from frequent
experience, that their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of
our school-boys, by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable, and
to fatten them would not answer the charge./-/
Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission, be a
loss to the publick, because they soon would become breeders themselves:/C/
And besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be
apt to censure such a practice, (although indeed very unjustly) as a little
bordering upon cruelty, which, I confess, hath always been with me the
strongest objection against any project, how well soever intended./-/
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18 But in order to justify my friend,
he confessed, that this expedient was put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor,
a native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London, above twenty
years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country, when
any young person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the
carcass to persons of quality, as a prime dainty;/C?/
and that, in his time, the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified
for an attempt to poison the Emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's
prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of the court in joints
from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns./-/
Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made of several plump
young girls in this town, who without one single groat to their fortunes,
cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at a play-house and assemblies
in foreign fineries which they never will pay for; the kingdom would not
be the worse./-/
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19 Some persons of a desponding spirit
are in great concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged,
diseased, or maimed;/C/ and I have been desired
to employ my thoughts what course may be taken, to ease the nation of so
grievous an incumbrance./-/ But I am not in
the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known, that they
are every day dying, and rotting, by cold and famine, and filth, and vermin,
as fast as can be reasonably expected./-/
And as to the young labourers, they are now in almost as hopeful a condition./-/
They cannot get work, and consequently pine away from want of nourishment,
to a degree, that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common
labour, they have not strength to perform it,/C/
and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from the evils
to come./-/
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20 I have too long digressed, and therefore
shall return to my subject./-/ I think the
advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well
as of the highest importance./-/
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21 For first, as I have already observed,
it would greatly lessen the number of Papists, with whom we are yearly
over-run, being the principal breeders of the nation, as well as our most
dangerous enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver
the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence
of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country,
than stay at home and pay tithes against their conscience to an episcopal
curate./-/
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22 Secondly, The poorer tenants will
have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to
a distress, and help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle
being already seized, and money a thing unknown./-/
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23 Thirdly, Whereas the maintainance
of an hundred thousand children, from two years old, and upwards, cannot
be computed at less than ten shillings a piece per annum, the nation's
stock will be thereby encreased fifty thousand pounds per annum, besides
the profit of a new dish, introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of
fortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in taste./-/
And the money will circulate among our selves, the goods being entirely
of our own growth and manufacture./-/
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24 Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides
the gain of eight shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children,
will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year./-/
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25 Fifthly, This food would likewise
bring great custom to taverns, where the vintners will certainly be so
prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection;
and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen,
who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating;/C/
and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive
to make it as expensive as they please./-/
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26 Sixthly, This would be a great inducement
to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards,
or enforced by laws and penalties./-/ It would
encrease the care and tenderness of mothers towards their children, when
they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in
some sort by the publick, to their annual profit instead of expence./-/
We should soon see an honest emulation among the married women, which of
them could bring the fattest child to the market./-/
Men would become as fond of their wives, during the time of their pregnancy,
as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, or sow when
they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent
a practice) for fear of a miscarriage./-/
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27 Many other advantages might be enumerated./-/
For instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation
of barrel'd beef: the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in
the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction
of pigs, too frequent at our tables;/C?/ which
are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well grown, fat yearly
child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a Lord Mayor's
feast, or any other publick entertainment./-/
But this, and many others, I omit, being studious of brevity./-/
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28 Supposing that one thousand families
in this city, would be constant customers for infants flesh, besides others
who might have it at merry meetings, particularly at weddings and christenings,
I compute that Dublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses;/C/
and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat
cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand./-/
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29 I can think of no one objection, that
will possibly be raised against this proposal, unless it should be urged,
that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom./-/
This I freely own,/C/ and 'twas indeed one
principal design in offering it to the world./-/
I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one
individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or,
I think, ever can be upon Earth./-/ Therefore
let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our absentees at five
shillings a pound: Of using neither cloaths, nor houshold furniture, except
what is of our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials
and instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness
of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein
of parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our country,
wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo:
Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like the
Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was
taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences
for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy
towards their tenants./-/ Lastly, of putting
a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our shop-keepers, who, if
a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately
unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure, and the goodness,
nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing,
though often and earnestly invited to it./F/
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30 Therefore I repeat, let no man talk
to me of these and the like expedients, 'till he hath at least some glympse
of hope, that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put
them into practice./-/
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31 But, as to my self, having been wearied
out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at
length utterly despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal,
which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no
expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur
no danger in disobliging England./-/ For this
kind of commodity will not bear exportation,/C/
and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance
in salt, although perhaps I could name a country, which would be glad to
eat up our whole nation without it./F?/
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32 After all, I am not so violently bent
upon my own opinion, as to reject any offer, proposed by wise men, which
shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual./-/
But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to
my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be
pleased maturely to consider two points./-/
First, As things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment
for a hundred thousand useless mouths and backs./-/
And secondly, There being a round million of creatures in humane figure
throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock,
would leave them in debt two million of pounds sterling, adding those who
are beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers and labourers,
with their wives and children, who are beggars in effect;/F?/
I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be
so bold to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these
mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness
to have been sold for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, and
thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they have
since gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of
paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with
neither house nor cloaths to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather,
and the most inevitable prospect of intailing the like, or greater miseries,
upon their breed for ever./-/
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33 I profess, in the sincerity of my heart,
that I have not the least personal interest in endeavouring to promote
this necessary work, having no other motive than the publick good of my
country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor,
and giving some pleasure to the rich./-/ I
have no children, by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest
being nine years old, and my wife past child-bearing./-/
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