Netscape® Communicator 4.0
 
Pennsylvania College of Technology  
Dr. Vavra's ENL 121: Lit & Comp
Course Menu
 
Back
 
 Click above for music.
 
Spring 1998: MP # 3
A Set of Essays on Foils in Hamlet
Paper # 478     (G44 - 01)
 


 
Revenge

1.      In the play "Hamlet" [Title] . [sic] I will be explaining the use of foils in the play. The four foils I will be using are between: [no :] the ghost and Hamlet, Claudius and Hamlet, Laertes and Gertrude and finally Laertes and Hamlet. [As noted in class, foils are characters, not "between" characters.]

2.     A foil is a minor character that either talks to support the major characer. [Frag -1]  Or it is someone who is similar or one who differs from the major character. [A foil has to be both similar and different.] An example of someone there just for support are Laertes and Gertrude. [SV Agr -1 ] They foil each other because the [sic] both have the similarity of being extremely gullible. [According to the definition you gave, a foil is the minor character. How can these two be foils for each other?] This is evident in Gertrude[']s belief of how the real king died. [Just because she is unaware of something means that she is gullible?] In Laertes it is relevant because he is also confused about who killed the king. [Do you have any evidence that Laertes ever even thinks about who killed the king?] Not believing people that he should be trusting such as Hamlet.  [Frag -1] Their difference are in their physical characteristics and there [H-50] thoughts about the real kings death. [SV Agr -1] This foil is relevant because with out [without] Gertrude and Laertes gulibleness the story would be lacking supporting characters who really care about the real king.

3.    Claudius foils Hamlet even though they are on different sides. This is evident because the [sic] both are extremely power hungry. [Evidence that Hamlet is power hungry?] Claudius killed a king to get his position and Hamlet is willing to listen to a ghost to get his. [Do you have any evidence that suggests that Hamlet wants the throne?] There differences is that Hamlet is much younger and that he has other motives for killing the king instead off [sic] just for power. [SV Agr]  These are to revenge his fathers death and to make his mother wrong. [I do not understand what you mean by "to make his mother wrong." How would Hamlet's killing Claudius make Gertrude wrong?] The way this foil affected the play is that without it their [H-50] would be no conflict between good and evil. [This needs more explanation. In this context, what is "good," and what is "evil"?]

4.      The similarity between Hamlet and the ghost are known through out the play. [SV Agr -1] The similarity is that they both want revenge. [There are several, more basic similarities that you could have pointed to, and, isn't Hamlet's delay in killing Claudius a suggestion that he does not want revenge?] There differences is that the ghost tells Hamlet who the that [sic] revenge should be taken on and Hamlet is the one to carry out the process. [SV Agr -1] The reason this is relevant to the play is because with out [without] the ghosts determination for revenge Hamlet would not have found his fathers true killer.

5.     Laertes foils Hamlet because they both want to know who killed the previous king [Not true.] and After [sic] they find who did they want to avenge the kings death. [Do you have any evidence that Laertes wants to avenge the king's death?] The differences between the two is that one is young the other is old. [SV Agr] [They are approximately the same age.] Also Hamlet knew who killed the king along [a long] time before Laertes knew . Also Hamlet was next in line to rule if Claudius was not king. The way this is relevant to the story is because Laertes wanted to know the killer of the king for his own soul. [Nonsense] Hamlet wanted to avenge it because he knew that Claudius killed the king. He liked this because He [sic] wanted to be made king. [Evidence?]

6.    Foils are used through [through?] minor characters to help understand the major character more. I have given a few of the foils in this story. These foils are: [no :] the ghost and Hamlet, Claudius and Hamlet, Laertes and Gertrude, and Laertes and Hamlet.

[There are far too many sloppy errors in this paper, and the errors in facts suggest both that the writer did not read the play and that the writer did not pay attention in class discussions.]


Outline
(1)
 
 
 
(4?)
 
 
(3?)
 
 
(2?)
 
 
(5?)
 
 
 
 
(6)
 
I. intro 

II.Foils in Hamlet 

    A. Ghost foils Hamlet 
      1. Examples of this - similarities (Both want revenge) 
      2.      "          "     "  . differences (ons real ones not)
    B. Claudius foils Hamlet 
      1. Examples of this - similarities (Both were power hungry) 
      2.       "          "  "    - differences (age)
    C. Laertes foils Gertrude 
      1. (Both gulible) and other similarities 
      2. Different (age and sex) more examples of differences
    D. Laertes foils Hamlet 
      1. similarities - reveng of the king for the king 
      2. differences - time when both new who it was that revenge should be upon 
      c. The importance of foils of Laertes to Hamlet
III. Conclusion
 
  This outline is totally unacceptable. The capital letters should be Roman numbers, and the sequence of the outline does not match the essay. Please read the material on outlining under Writing as a Product and also under Writing as a Process. If you have trouble with it, please discuss it with me.

ENL 121 (Vavra) Grading Sheet for MP3B (1 of 3)
Foils in Hamlet (Revised 11/27/97)
Possible 
Points
Student's 
Grading
Instructor's 
Grading
Description Totals
Audience (20)
 11 / 12
0 - 5  2 The essay has a good introductory paragraph.
0 - 5  4  3 The essay includes a brief definition (not in the introduction) of foils, such that a student who had not previously heard the term would understand both the concept and this essay.
0 - 5  4  5 The essay does not simply retell the play.
0 - 5
 1
 2 
The essay has a good concluding paragraph.
Thesis (20) 15 / 8
0 - 4  3 The thesis is recognizable, somewhere near the beginning of the essay.
0 - 4
 3
 1
The thesis and essay reflect good, independent thought about Hamlet. 
0 - 4  3  2 The thesis and essay reflect at least an average understanding of foils.
0 - 4  3  2 The essay reflects at least an average understanding of foils in Hamlet.
0 - 4  3  0 The essay reflects an above average understanding of foils in Hamlet
 Organization (20) 
 9 / 9 
0 - 4
 2
 3
Topic sentences relate paragraphs to the thesis.
0 - 4
 1
 2
Paragraphs are generally eight to ten sentences long.
0 - 4
  2
 2 
Major and minor points in the outline are logically arranged.
0 - 4
 2
 1 
The essay is accompanied by a typed formal outline with subdivisions to the level of capital letters, i.e., II B. The paragraphs in the essay have been numbered and the numbers of the paragraphs have been placed in parentheses next to the corresponding part of the outline. [This was a gift.]
0 - 4
  2
 1 
Paragraphs reflect subdivisions of major points. (For example, more than one paragraph is devoted to a single foil.) [This was a gift.]
2 of 3
Possible 
Points
Student's 
Grading
Instructor's 
Grading
Description Totals
Details (20) (Please fill in the blanks.) 
[Note: This rubric assumes that you will discuss at least two foils and be graded on the two you choose. You may discuss only one foil and use the same grades for both sections of this form.]
 8 / 6 
0 - 3
 1
 1 
An explanation of similarities establsihes __Ghost____ as a foil to ______Hamlet__________.
0 - 3
 1
 1 
The differences  between foil #1 (above) and __Laertes [?] ____ and their significance to the play are explained in detail.
0 - 3
 1
 1 
The function of foil # 1 as a listener on stage (and its significance to the play) is explained in detail.
0 - 1
  1
 0 
The relevance of foil # 1 to the thesis is explained in detail. 
0 - 3
  1
 1 
An explanation of similarities establsihes ___Laertes___ as a foil to ____Hamlet_. 
0 - 3
 1
 1 
The differences between foil #2 (above) and __Claudius [?] ___ and their significance to the play are explained in detail.
0 - 3
  1
 1
The function of foil # 2 as a listener on stage (and its significance to the play) is explained in detail.
0 - 1
 1
 0
The relevance of foil # 1 to the thesis is explained in detail.
(3 of 3)
Possible 
Points
Student's 
Grading
Instructor's 
Grading
Description Totals
Style (20) [The student did not fill out this part of the form.]
 0 / 15 
0 - 3    2 Words are used correctly and accurately.
0 - 2    2 There are no (few) errors in usage.
0 - 2    2 Pronouns are used correctly.
0 - 2    2 Verb forms and tenses are used correctly.
0 - 3    2 All sentences are comprehensible.
0 - 2    2 Sentence structure is mature and varied.
0 - 3
 
 1
There are no (few) sloppy errors.
0 - 3
 
 2
Punctuation marks are used correctly.
Minus Style Penalty Points (May be regained by correcting errors)
-6 
Basic Grade for the Essay (100)  43 / 44
Penalty Points: - __________ Late          -___________ Other -
Bonus points (6 possible)
0 - 2
 
 
Brainstorming
0 - 2
 
  Outlining
0 - 2
 
  Revision
Final Grade for the Essay  43 / 44
Hostage Fifty:  
    their / there -40 
    apostrophe
N.B. If there is anything in the "Hostage Fifty" block, your grade is being held hostage at 50 until you earn its release. To learn how, look at the "Additional Major Paper Requirements."

Student's Comments: (You can also use the back of either page.)
 


Student's Log Codes: B = Brainstorming; RR = Reading/Research; O =Outlining; TC = Tutoring Center;
D = Drafting; RV = Revising; E =Editing; G = Grading; T =Typing

NOTE: Revising = RV. Remember: use only one code per entry. (See Instructions.)

I used a word-processor __x___while drafting __x___ while revising __x___ to type my paper.
 

Date: Code Started Stopped Minutes Comments
4-20
RR
3:00
4:05
105
The play was supposed to have been read as part of regular classs assignments, so what was this time used for?
O 4:05 4:35 30
4-21
RV
12:00
1:30
130 [sic 90] No Drafting? And how did 90 minutes get to be 130?
E
3:00
3:30
130 [sic 
30]
From 3:00 to 3:30 is 130 minutes?
4-22 G 3:45 4:00 15
4-25 T 12:00 1:30 150 [sic 
90]
 
[As the logs indicate, this paper was started on the day the paper was originally due. And no time is recorded for brainstorming. Any time I spent commenting on this paper would have been wasted because this is clearly not the student's best effort. As the student's own logs indicate, the paper was three days late. (The extended deadline was April 22) I did not impose the 30 point late penalty, which was probably not fair to the rest of the class.]
Distribution of Time:
Process Minutes % of Total
Brainstorming
Read/Research
105 
29 
Outlining
30 
Tutoring Center
Drafting
Revising
90 
25 
Editing
30 
Grading
15 
Typing
90 
25 
Total
360 
= 6.0 hours