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Spring 1998: MP # 3
A Set of Essays on Foils in Hamlet
Paper # 298-O     (G61 - 02)
 


 
[Note: This student had clearly been working hard throughout the semester.
Not only did the student's logs average 9.1 hours per week, but the student also had a Quiz/Homeowrk average of 95, and an In-Class essay average of 85. Because of that, and because I thought the work on organization would be good for the student, I invited the student to revise the essay. See #298-R.]
 
 Hamlet and Laertes: Pawns of the King
 

1     In Shakespeare’s play Hamlet [Titles] the actions of Laertes and Hamlet are the focal point of the play. They are the sons of major characters who must have grown up together in Elsinore castle, and known each other for years. Laertes warns his sister Ophelia about continuing a relationship with Hamlet because of his royal obligations. The tragic deaths of their father’s [No '] forces them both to seek revenge at all costs. They learn that pursuing revenge is a dark way to travel and it cost them their lives.

2     Hamlet and Laertes are both close and loving sons. The emotional outbreak of shock from Hamlet as his father’s ghost told of his most unnatural murder (Act 1 Scene 5 Line 25). [Frag -1]  His father’s ghost had confirmed Hamlet’s suspicions (Act 1 Scene 5 Line 42). Hamlet seems to have a deep[ly] felt loss for his father that can only come from love for his father. The love for his father is twisted later by rage. Laertes is much loved by Polonius, as he leaves for his ship back to France, Polonius gives him a torrent of fatherly advice and his love (Act 1 Scene 3 Lines 55-80). [CS -1] Polonius and Ophelia give him a warm good-bye: they are a close family.

3     Ophelia is a point of contention for both Hamlet and Laertes. Hamlet has been attracted to Ophelia and she to him (Act 1 Scene 3 Line 100). Ophelia is very much attracted to Hamlet and has been told by Polonius to discourage him. Laertes loves Ophelia as a sister and warns her of Hamlet’s show of affection toward her, reminding her of his royal role (Act 1 Scene 3 Lines 10-42). Hamlet and Laertes care for the girl[,] and her feelings for both of them are dangerous for her. Ophelia’s mind is torn apart by Hamlet’s rage against his mother as he turned his frustration on her, telling her to get herself to a nunnery (Act 3 Scene 1 Line 120). The sight of Ophelia’s madness when he returned, melts Laertes’s heart and deepens his need for revenge (Act 4 Scene 6 Line 185).

4     Laertes[,] as Polonius’s son[,] could not imagine being disloyal to the king. [Poor topic sentence] His father is the king’s advisor and loyalty to the king will come as second nature to him. Laertes showed this as he came home to Elsinore for the king’s coronation (Act 1 Scene 2 Line 53). Hamlet, [No ,] is not loyal, he has a hard time being civil to the king, as he mentions that he is more [than] kin and less than kind (Act 1 Scene 2 Line 65). Hamlet’s distaste for his uncle now king is represented when he calls Claudius a satyr comparing him to his father as Hyperion, the sun god of mythology (Act 1 Scene 2 Line 140). Hamlet envisions Claudius as an opportunist, getting the throne and his mother, the Queen, by birth order only, not by qualification or qualities. [Evidence for this?] Hamlet’s rage at the Queen for so quickly replacing his father dissolves his loyalty to her also (Act 1 Scene 2 Lines 128-155).

5     Laertes and Hamlet have the same reaction to the pain of personal loss. [This is a better topic sentence.] Hamlet reacted to the ghost of his father with surprise, fear, and astonishment, then as the ghost told of his murder his need for revenge was not easily controlled (Act 1 Scene 5 Line 10- 42). [CS] Laertes’s reaction to the death of Polonius was just as swift and emotional. His grief was compounded because of his discovery of Ophelia’s "madness" as well (Act 4 Scene 6 Lines 199-215). The need for revenge on the minds of these men opens them up to be used by the king. Hamlet’s loss of respect for his mother and Laertes’s loss of Ophelia is ["are"] comparable because, they both represent a fallen womanhood. [SV Agr] The Queen’s quick remarriage to Hamlet’s uncle and Ophelia’s damaged mind. [Frag -1] These women meant a great deal to them both and they had to feel devastated by their loss. At the end of the play when Gertrude dies from the poison[,] Hamlet’s quick response shows that whatever his mother’s shortcomings he still loved her.

6     Hamlet and Laertes, at the time of Polonius’s death[,] are literally pawns of the King. Hamlet is used by Claudius to obscure the ease ["case"?] that he came into his brother’s throne from Gertrude. Her fear that Hamlet was going mad distracted her[,] and the madder Hamlet acted the better for Claudius. Laertes was loyal to his king[,] so Claudius used Laertes’s deep hatred for Hamlet to conspire to murder Hamlet (Act 4 Scene 7 Lines 127-163).

7     Claudius’s plan and intentions turn for the worst. The poisoned blade and drink combine to turn his plan against him. When Claudius drinks to Hamlet’s first hit of the swordplay[,] his false praise is cover of him poisoning of the cup that will kill the Queen. The king[']s use of these men only shows their honor in the end as Laertes and Hamlet forgive one another (Act 5 Scene Line 304-315). [Paragraphs six and seven are short and should be combined. They also appear to be more of a plot summary than a development of Laertes as a foil. (The points made are not really based on the developed similarities and differences between Laertes and Hamlet.)]

8     The use of Hamlet and Laertes in this play was to illustrate that evil can effect [affect] the best of men. The similarities of Hamlet and Laertes gave Claudius the notion that he could predict their actions and control the outcome of their conflict. He failed because the goodness of both of the young men overcame their need for revenge. [This needs a lot more explanation. I do not see it in the play, nor do I see it supported in the body of the essay. Does either Hamlet or Laertes overcome their need for revenge BEFORE that need is satisfied?] The obsession of Hamlet and Laertes for revenge at all costs is evil and empty.

  

Works Cited
 
Barnet, Sylvan [, et al.] Literature for Composition  [New York:] Harper Collins 1996 p. 627-735.
 

Outline
 
(1)
 
 
 
 
 
 
(2)
 
 
(3)
(4)
 
 
(5)
 
 
 
 
 
 
(6)
 
 
 
 
(7)
(8)
1. Intro: Theme      In William Shakespeare’s play, Hamlet the actions of Laertes and Hamlet are the focal point of the play. These sons of major characters must have grown up together in the castle and had known each other for years. Hamlet’s loss of his father, with warnings from his father Polonius, has Laertes concerned about Hamlet’s relationship with his sister, Ophelia. The deaths of their fathers force the sons to seek revenge. Hamlet and Laertes learn that revenge sought at all costs is evil and empty. 

2. Hamlet and Laertes 

    A. Both are sons of loving fathers 
    B. Both love Ophelia 
    C. Laertes is loyal to King Claudius 
    D. Hamlet sees King Claudius as an opportunist (the throne and his mother).
3. Hamlet and Laertes have similar reactions to pain from loss. 
    A. Hamlet’s reaction to the ghost of his father. 
    B. Laertes’s reaction to the death of his father’s death. [?] 
    C. Laertes’s reaction to the madness and death of Ophelia. 
    D. Hamlet’s reaction to his estrangement from Gertrude and her death.
4. Hamlet and Laertes, pawns of the king. 
    A. Claudius sees an opportunity to use Laertes to kill Hamlet 
    B. Laertes conspires with Claudius in the fencing match 
    C.Laertes and Hamlet are used by Claudius 
    D. Evil intentions turn for the worst for all involved 
    E. Hamlet and Laertes forgive each other.
 
This is a weak outline. For one, the arabic numers should be Roman.
For another, the word "differences" does not appear in it.
For more, see the discussion of paper #579. 
ENL 121 (Vavra) Grading Sheet for MP3B (1 of 3) Foils in Hamlet (Revised 11/27/97)
Possible 
Points
Student's 
Grading
Instructor's 
Grading
Description Totals
Audience (20)
 16 / 11 
0 - 5  5  4 The essay has a good introductory paragraph.
0 - 5  1  0 The essay includes a brief definition (not in the introduction) of foils, such that a student who had not previously heard the term would understand both the concept and this essay. 
0 - 5  5  5 The essay does not simply retell the play.
0 - 5
 5
 2
The essay has a good concluding paragraph.
Thesis (20)  18 / 13
0 - 4  4 4 The thesis is recognizable, somewhere near the beginning of the essay.
0 - 4
 4
3
The thesis and essay reflect good, independent thought about Hamlet. 
0 - 4  4 2 The thesis and essay reflect at least an average understanding of foils.
0 - 4  4 4 The essay reflects at least an average understanding of foils in Hamlet.
0 - 4  2  0 The essay reflects an above average understanding of foils in Hamlet
 Organization (20)
 17 / 12 
0 - 4
   4
 2 
Topic sentences relate paragraphs to the thesis.
0 - 4
   1
 3 
Paragraphs are generally eight to ten sentences long.
0 - 4
   4
 3 
Major and minor points in the outline are logically arranged.
0 - 4
   4
 
The essay is accompanied by a typed formal outline with subdivisions to the level of capital letters, i.e., II B. The paragraphs in the essay have been numbered and the numbers of the paragraphs have been placed in parentheses next to the corresponding part of the outline.
0 - 4
   4
 2 
Paragraphs reflect subdivisions of major points. (For example, more than one paragraph is devoted to a single foil.)
2 of 3
Possible 
Points
Student's 
Grading
Instructor's 
Grading
Description Totals
Details (20) (Please fill in the blanks.) 
[Note: This rubric assumes that you will discuss at least two foils and be graded on the two you choose. You may discuss only one foil and use the same grades for both sections of this form.]
 20 / 11 
0 - 3
 3
 2 
An explanation of similarities  [?] establsihes __Laertes____ as a foil to _______Hamlet_________.
0 - 3
 3
 2 
The differences between foil #1 (above) and ___Hamlet___ and their significance to the play are explained in detail.
0 - 3
 1
 1 
The function of foil # 1 as a listener on stage (and its significance to the play) is explained in detail.
0 - 1
 3[?]
 1 
The relevance of foil # 1 to the thesis is explained in detail. 
0 - 3
 3
 2 
An explanation of similarities  establsihes __Laertes____ as a foil to __Hamlet___.
0 - 3
 3
 2 
The differences [?]  between foil #2 (above) and _Hamlet____ and their significance to the play are explained in detail.
0 - 3
 1
 1 
The function of foil # 2 as a listener on stage (and its significance to the play) is explained in detail.
0 - 1
3[?]
 0 
The relevance of foil # 1 to the thesis is explained in detail.
(3 of 3)
Possible 
Points
Student's 
Grading
Instructor's 
Grading
Description Totals
Style (20) 
 20 / 17 
0 - 3  3  3 Words are used correctly and accurately.
0 - 2  2  1 There are no (few) errors in usage. [effect/affect]
0 - 2  2  2 Pronouns are used correctly.
0 - 2  2  2 Verb forms and tenses are used correctly.
0 - 3  3  3 All sentences are comprehensible.
0 - 2  2 1 Sentence structure is mature and varied.
0 - 3
 3
 3 
There are no (few) sloppy errors. 
0 - 3
 3
 2 
Punctuation marks are used correctly.
Minus Style Penalty Points (May be regained by correcting errors)
 -4  
Basic Grade for the Essay (100)  91 / 60
Penalty Points: - __________ Late          -___________ Other   
 
Bonus points (6 possible)
 +1
0 - 2
 
 
Brainstorming
0 - 2
 
 1
Outlining
0 - 2
 
 
Revision
Final Grade for the Essay  91 / 61
Hostage Fifty: 
N.B. If there is anything in the "Hostage Fifty" block, your grade is being held hostage at 50 until you earn its release. To learn how, look at the "Additional Major Paper Requirements."

Student's Comments: (You can also use the back of either page.)

Thanks for letting me have a bit more time.
[Because this student asked, I gave a brief extension.]

 
Student's Log
Codes: B = Brainstorming; RR = Reading/Research; O =Outlining; TC = Tutoring Center;
D = Drafting; RV = Revising; E =Editing; G = Grading; T =Typing

NOTE: Revising = RV. Remember: use only one code per entry. (See Instructions.)

I used a word-processor __x___while drafting __x___ while revising __x___ to type my paper.
 

Date: Code Started Stopped Minutes Comments
4-15
B
1:00
1:40
40
 I picked Hamlet and Laertes
 
RR
6:00
9:00
180
 Read from library references
4-16
RR
2:00
2:30
30
 Photocopied relevant text
 
O
4:00
5:00
60
 Tried to keep Claudiius minimized as a foil, but more as an opportunist for evil
 4-17
TC
6:00
6:15
15
 Was very busy, just asked tutor a question
 4-18
T [D]
9:00
12:00
170
 I type and draft at the same time.
 
RV
1:00
1:45
45
 I changed some ideas on Polonius love of Lertes
 
E
3:00
4:00
60
 Tried to come up with a stronger conclusion paragraph
4-20
T
2:00
3:00
60
 Finished final paragraph problem was told about having two foil examples
4-22
G
11:50
12:50
60
 
 
Distribution of Time:
 
Process Minutes % of Total
Brainstorming
40 
Read/Research
210 
29 
Outlining
60 
Tutoring Center
15 
Drafting
180 
25 
Revising
45 
Editing
60 
Grading
60 
Typing
60 
Total
730 
= 12.2 hours